On searching our hearts and doing justice

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23

“Search me, God…” is one of the most powerful, transformative requests we can make.

We are asking the Lord to mine the contents of our hearts and reveal to us the ways that we are operating out of our selfish compulsions and unconscious motivations. These, left unevaluated, lead us to indulge our prejudices, distort our perspective, keep us out of alignment with God’s will, harden our hearts, contribute to injustice.

To ask God to search our hearts is to admit that we need his help to see ourselves truly and to bring about change.

Human introspection can be a healthy posture, as we give serious thought to our behaviours, but we inevitably run into two problems. The first (and primary) problem is that we do not have capacity to see ourselves fully or accurately. This means we’re inclined to feed our biases and remain unchanged. The second problem is that, should we see and confront the offensive parts of us, we do not have capacity to resolve these things and we can become stuck and/or overly absorbed with the task of self-discovery (either overwhelmed with guilt and shame or obsessed with exploring our own complexities or both).

It occurs to me, particularly in light of racial tensions, that we desperately need the Lord’s help to search our hearts.

Blindness to our own sinfulness has done damage to ourselves and others in ways we can’t fully know, but, once in a while, we catch a glimpse when a friend or acquaintance dares to confront us about it. If we haven’t built up a discipline of godly self-reflection, such confrontations can level us. We’re keen to defend ourselves and/or dwell on our guilt – both responses leaving us unchanged and ineffective.

The white community is facing criticism. Black family, friends and acquaintances are daring to confront us about it. We’re being asked to do some serious self-reflection as it relates to the way we operate (whether consciously or unconsciously) in the world.

Search me, God, and see if there is any [untrustworthy] way in me.

Can I be trusted?
* to listen
* to care
* to operate without agenda
* to bear witness
* to speak the truth
* to offer genuine help
* to see beyond my own perspective
* to put another’s interest above my own
* to be equitable
* to make the effort

When my heart’s contents are uncovered by the Lord, I see that I, indeed, cannot be trusted.

(If ever I have listened, cared, operated without agenda, spoke truth… it has been by the grace of God through Jesus and the power of his Spirit.)

Though this is a painful revelation, under the supervision of the Lord who has searched my heart, there is no need for denial or defensiveness because the one who revealed it can be trusted. He is all things Truth, Goodness and Beauty and he leads me in the way everlasting. As I repent of my offensive ways and surrender to him, I am guided toward transformation, to become more like Jesus.

Aligned with God’s will, our hearts soften, our prejudices are replaced with his Love, our distorted view with his Truth, and by his Beauty we become free, equipped and empowered to tackle injustice.

Search me, God.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.
2 Corinthians 7:10-11

On Learning to Listen & Doing Justice

Last year I dedicated the year to learning how to listen. I didn’t set out to become informed, my purpose was to understand the process of listening better. My hypothesis (and eventual conclusion) was that listening is a spiritual practice that can change us and change our world.

What I learned is that listening is hard and painful work – as it requires setting aside one’s ego – and it doesn’t come naturally.

Despite my taking a formal coaching program, self-educating (reading everything I could on the topic), studying scripture, going on listening retreats, praying to become a better listener, and attempting in every conversation to make space in my heart for the opinion (and thus, pain) of others, I found it extremely difficult to listen if I didn’t also aspire to humility.

I’m sure you could ask any therapist who has spent the day listening to clients that this is a discipline that requires the building of strength and stamina. It can leave one exhausted if one attempts to jump in the deep end of listening where they haven’t waded before. You can feel depleted, bruised and ready to give up.

I think of the listening many in the white community have committed to on behalf of their black and first nations friends and family. I think of men who have listened to women in the suffrage or #metoo movements. I think of the times that those in power have listened to those who are marginalized. Some will jump in and then come up for air quickly feeling exhausted/battered. Others will immerse in listening and become powerful agents of change. The difference is in how they’re listening.

Discovering that humility is a core ingredient to listening well, I’ve had to pay attention to the moments where my ego wants to talk back. You’ll recognize it’s calling cards, “but” or “what about.” These words are a pretty good indication that you are no longer listening because your ego has been bruised (guarding your conscience against being pricked).

I aspire to the impossible task of never being personally offended. I fail at this miserably almost daily, but I still make this commitment as I never want to feel victorious over my hurt feelings. I believe that personal offence is the greatest barrier to listening well to others.

And, as a follower of Jesus, I am free in Christ. I have no need to defend myself for he will do it. Which leads me to my next point.

The other key ingredient to listening well is listening to a source that refreshes you and gives you strength. Often we mistakenly want to receive that from the one we’re listening to. I noticed when listening to my black friends this past week, I wanted them to say in one form or another, “good job for listening.” This is neither their role nor the source of strength for our listening.

I read this tweet this morning (which may well have inspired this post): “You’ll go crazy if you spend all your time analyzing the depths of evil without gazing at the beauty of God.” (Pastor James T. Robinson III, Pastor of Bridge Church NYC @jtrob3)

Now analyzing and listening are two different things, but the point is that there is much we are listening to that is troubling and listening itself can trouble us. Being troubled is good and necessary for change. But being troubled can distract us from being effective if we spend our time nursing our wounds. We must receive replenishment and build the discipline of listening.

Listening to the Lord gives us rest and peace and is the primary voice of wisdom, strength, love to lead us toward shalom*, which is, I would say, the greatest goal of listening.

There is much to say on this topic (a year of learning about listening made me see I had only begun). May I suggest we include learning to listen as part of the work of our listening. Don’t give up on it too quickly for there is transformation in the places where we persevere in listening.

Let me leave you with this most refreshing passage for listeners from Proverbs 2 (emphasis added):

My child, if you receive my words

and treasure up my commandments with you,

making your ear attentive to wisdom

and inclining your heart to understanding;

yes, if you call out for insight

and raise your voice for understanding,

if you seek it like silver

and search for it as for hidden treasures,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord

and find the knowledge of God.

For the Lord gives wisdom;

from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;

he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;

he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,

guarding the paths of justice

and watching over the way of his saints.

𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚

𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙮, 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙝;

𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙙𝙤𝙢 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩,

𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡.

Listen well. Be Free.

*Shalom, meaning (taught to me and our church by my pastor husband) being in right relationship with God, each other and creation. He’ll be happy to know I listen to him from time to time. ;-)

Activism as Worship

A word of freedom to believers: activism is a type of worship.

We love God by standing up for righteousness in hostile places.*

Few people want to lose friends, influence, or privilege, so we subdue our voices instead of speaking up for justice. But this is the risk of effectively following Jesus. Some won’t understand and will reject you; others will be freed by it. There will be sorrow and great joy in siding with freedom.

For some of us, activism is a temperament. For others, activism is obedience.

Be challenged to consider your role in loving God in this way and BE FREE to do so.

“Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?”
Proverbs 24:11-12

Free people free people.

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*Quotes from Gary Thomas’ Sacred Pathways – learn more about activism as a worship style/way to love God by reading this book and/or consider the examples throughout scripture: Moses, Elijah, Elisha to start.